As I recently made my way to have a critical conversation with a loved one over their eternity, a friend and fellow Believer in Christ sent a message urging me to “speak to the old you.”

So I thought…”What would I say to my former un-regenerated self? How would I appeal to my spiritual blindness? Knowing what I know now, how would I approach the old me who was far more concerned with man’s approval than God’s?”

This requires me to reminisce a bit, on various things such as- my relationship with sin, my lifestyle, my environment, my worldview, my attitude toward those who stood for Christ (or any religion at all), my understanding of truth, my upbringing, what I treasured. Let’s begin with worldview as I believe this to be such a driver toward all that we think, say and do. Merriam-Webster defines worldview as “a comprehensive conception or apprehension of the world especially from a specific standpoint”.

So how would I define my previous worldview? Let’s take a look at how I went about any given day. I would wake up and immediately set my mind on the things I thought mattered. That would be something like orienting my thoughts around pressing issues, bills to pay, the news cycle, upcoming social outings, my pets, where I would be in a few years time, and innumerable other things. But it wouldn’t be God. I’d be hurrying to get my day started while checking in with “the world”. In fact, my worldview was precisely that…the world. Although my thoughts may have been inclined toward good things such as how I could be a productive member of society or who I could help out that day, the captain of my ship was most definitely me, myself and I.  It was a relentless pursuit of building up my own kingdom.

Relationships very much mattered. Friends were probably more important than anything. This is what I treasured. My mind would constantly circulate around how to have a good time and create new memories with people who meant something to me. And thus, my time didn’t just go toward pondering who those people were or how I could spearhead (or be a part of) the next great event, but all the hours spent actually hanging out with those people. However, there was a major issue with that prioritization. The reason being was that my lifestyle was geared toward alcohol being involved wherever I went- bars, restaurants, concerts, picnics, vacations, you name it. And birds of a feather flock together. So even though I had a sober friend here and there who hung around, my friend base was primarily composed of those who also went about their lives in the same way. And in retrospect, it felt as though there was nothing but acceptance no matter how poorly I was living my life. To put it simply, I was aligning myself with people who would affirm each other in their sin. Because without much discipline lurking around, we could basically just autopilot.

So here I was, zoned out in life. Lost in sin. Not thinking much of it, but enjoying the good times and avoiding the truth. In fact, I remember asking myself if and when those days would ever end, persuaded that when we all got married that lifestyle would (probably) come to a screeching halt. But those around me weren’t really getting married and kept on keeping on. Hence, it wasn’t like I didn’t want it to stop, but I didn’t have an anchor to keep from drifting. That’s a really discouraging and disconcerting place to be. I kept telling myself that I was young and had plenty of time to “figure it all out”, but now I know that that was a lie straight from the Pit. As long as I had my wheels spinning in the mud, the evil one had me right where he wanted me.

As far as my upbringing, unfortunately I had seen alcoholic behavior not only modeled, but normalized. My parents meant everything to me and I saw them as greater than life pretty much. They seemed successful in all that they did while balancing that with an extremely active and expansive social life. To me, that was painting a picture of what life was all about- “work hard, play hard”. They wanted so much out of life and made a dynamic duo and an amazing team.  If I had to describe their values, I’d say they were work, family, friends, and materials. Their actions would have translated to- loving your parents, instilling “good” values in your children, keeping up with family and friends, always learning new things, striving for excellence in work, fiercely protecting your nuclear family, and living life to its fullest. All good things. My dad being a successful businessman and my mom being an interior decorator and homemaker with tremendous intellect and creative skills, it never made for a dull moment. Ideas were like a constant flowing river and my folks somehow miraculously agreed on the majority of them, so I carry a very fond recollection of my childhood.

It was when I got older and gained more autonomy that things began to grow more uncertain. Lifelong friends were of no shortage and what I had in common with them I thought would last forever. And their influence on me began to grow as I stepped into my adolescent and young adult years. But as I gained more independence, questions about life seemed to become more confrontational. As we leave the nest and begin to do life out on our own, these are critical years. We draw upon what we know to be true and make decisions based on that. However, we are combatted with all types of new worldviews as we attempt to forge our own path. Hearing “you’ll find your way, don’t worry” has to be one of the most hollow and lazy shreds of advice I kept on receiving. Although people mean to be encouraging, I really think they still don’t even have the slightest clue as to what they’re doing in their own life. Their purpose may be just to stay out of jail, not deceive others, take care of their family, and be philanthropic if and when they can. It’s all about seizing opportunities and making the most of them, always working on “being the best version of yourself”.

But what are we to do with advice like “it’ll come, just keep going…don’t give up!”? What if it continually isn’t working out and you are drawing the short end of the stick, whether it be by your own doing or because others are cleverly taking advantage of you? What if you found yourself born into a major disadvantage? Catching a good break is always helpful, but it may not last. At some point, we really have to ask ourselves if there is more to life than just making the best of every day/situation/opportunity. It’s an existential turning point. We have to see that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. All that me-focused thinking is exactly why we are so lost to begin with. But when we listen to the voice of our conscience telling us that our ways perhaps are not so good, we begin to get somewhere. We begin to see that we have an accountability outside of ourselves to the One Who made us and there’s a reason for that Voice that’s haunting us when we fall short of perfection.  It’s a Voice that’s calling us to turn. Turn from our sin.

In hindsight, I would say that repenting would have been the hardest part of where I was in life. I felt almost helpless in trying to stop the sin patterns. Part of me thinks it needed to run its course. If someone were to come and tell me to stop, I’m not sure how I would have received it. However, I do remember the guy carrying the wooden Cross on his back walking down Bourbon Street and how I reacted in annoyance at the time. But, if someone were to tell me to consider the Truth when I was at my lowest point and/or at a place of willingness to receive it, it would have rung a lot louder.

Was it my lack of understanding? That I knew OF what Jesus had done on my behalf, but didn’t appropriate (verb) the blood of Jesus in Christian practice. I had yet to get to the end of myself. It was only until I arrived there, that His invitation sounded clearly to me. So I ask myself what I could and would say now that would prompt me to consider reaching out for the forgiving and merciful hand of Almighty God. His hand was there all along and yet I ignored it. It was in my most desperate times that I finally looked up and became willing to forsake my own ways and claim His, to cry out for His forgiveness and cleansing, and to place all my trust in Jesus Christ, God’s only begotten Son, as any hope for salvation. Christ Is risen and He faithfully finished the work the Father assigned Him, to come and rescue us from our sin. I am delivered from the place where my life was headed if I didn’t latch on to Him by faith. I realize now that He allowed these things to happen in my life in order to save my soul. It wasn’t hateful, it was loving. Just like when we speak a righteous word over someone who sins (“faithful are the wounds of a friend”), we are actually doing them a favor by resuscitating their relationship with God. It brings forth persecution to ourselves at times, but it honors God and we are blessed for being persecuted for His Name’s sake.

So now that my house is built upon the Rock, what shall I say to those whose house was built on sand? I know they build in vain and remain in danger. They need to be lovingly re-routed in their life, away from themselves and toward Christ, the Giver of all life.

DEAR old Rod,

What a gift you have to still be alive! And what an opportunity. In this life, time is our most valuable asset, yet it is also an illusion. Your youth may seem endless, but time will feel scarce the older you get. I once wondered much about the concept of time, but now that I have met the Timekeeper all my perception has changed. If I could go back in time, I wish the contents of this letter would have been impressed upon me at an early age as to avoid all the years of wasted living. Not that the experiences weren’t meaningful back then, or even that they now serve as a platform to help people going through similar challenges, but that I would have had a calibrated compass at the beginning of my journey.

What is your compass in this life? By what or by whom do you build your life’s foundation? This is such an important question. Imperative actually. It will chart your course for the remainder of your life.

One of my favorite quotes comes from A.W. Tozer, an influential American evangelical pastor, author and spiritual writer who said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” I fully believe that now and our response to that statement determines the trustworthiness of our compass. If we know the One True Living God (the God of the Bible), then we are set up for success. But how are we to know Him so that we can live our lives pleasing to Him as well as make Him known to others? This is my favorite question of all and I will answer it in this post. 

After nearly 40 years of living life my way, I finally stopped long enough to pay attention to the One Who had been patiently waiting for my attention. Circumstances in my life had gotten so dismal that I was at a loss for how to rebuild yet again, so I turned outward and Upward. Despite all of His gentle knocks on my heart that I had (intentionally or otherwise) ignored up until that point, it was then that I finally heeded His call.  Rather than darting right back to a selfishly-driven life, I acknowledged the despicable mess I had made of the one life I had been given. If all the sins were able to be stacked one on top of the other, the heap would reach the heavens. And my genuine sorrow came from a place of His AMAZING Grace. God was granting me repentance, which means that I wasn’t just sorry for my sins, but would choose to turn from my wicked ways and surrender my life to Jesus and His way. My eyes were open to the Truth and I could finally see what God had done on my behalf.  “For our sake He (God the Father) made Him (God the Son; Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him (in Christ) we might become the righteousness of God.” Jesus had His robe of righteousness waiting for me.

All of a sudden, the story of the Prodigal Son made sense to me. He was I and I was he. But I was now making the choice to forsake sin and to live in Christ. I was firm in my decision to COME HOME and had never been at such complete Peace in all my days! This was a peace not as the world gives. Scriptures like Galatians 2:19-21 immediately made sense to me, where God says, ¹⁹ “For through the law (God’s Ten Commandments) I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”  The dots were connecting and it felt like fireworks going off all throughout my being. I thought of the man on Bourbon Street and began to weep for how I had mocked him, yet I was now made privy to the Life inside that man. I rejoiced in knowing I was set free from all my shame and guilt and had a brand new life as a new creation in Christ. As far as the east is from the west, my sins had been blotted out in God’s eyes and I had returned to my Maker and been redeemed. All those wasted years of living had been wiped clean. Jesus became my personal Savior and it was then my daily choice to make him the Lord (or Captain) of my life. 

Rod, I know you are struggling. I know life seems to ebb and flow, and you think things are pretty good on the whole. I know you long for answers to the deeper questions in life, but you won’t find them in this physical realm. The Truth, what you unknowingly seek, can’t be seen or understood, but believed. Believing is seeing. Believing will give you the answers to these questions that keep you awake at night. God holds the keys to unlocking access to His spiritual wisdom. And God placed those keys in the hands of God the Son, by Whom and through Whom all things were made, including ourselves. And though we could spend our time thinking about what matters to us, we can also ask ourselves what is important to God? Knowing Him will be as drastic as seeing in 3D as opposed to 2. You will enter a an entirely new realm of being than before, one you can’t see as it stands until you make this decision.

There is no longer a seeking to be accepted or to have a sense of belonging. You can belong to God, and nothing or nobody will ever be take that away from you. If you truly repent from your sins and believe in your heart that Christ lived a perfect life, died on the Cross as to remove your sins, and rose 3 days later, you will become “born again”. I know you have heard that saying before, but this is what it means- you will be born of the Spirit of God and made eternal in Him. Your spirit will forever live on, long past your days here on earth. And I know you wouldn’t have the first clue where to begin, but I testify that God’s Spirit coming to indwell you will give you new desires and a hunger to seek after Him. All that sin that weighed you down all these years will dissolve and life will take on entirely new meaning. This is why the God says in His Word that “the fear (or reverence/awe/respect) of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom”!

It is so intriguing to think about how we can work so hard to create a life that eventually will be gone. We don’t even get to take it with us. So why do we hustle and grind to accomplish all that we do?  Where do those desires even come from? Are they out of necessity, or are they personal dreams that, unless satisfied, will leave us utterly unfulfilled? And what about those who make it to the top, only to turn around and say it wasn’t what they thought it would be; or worse, that it “wasn’t enough!” This isn’t to say that chasing dreams is a bad thing, but whose dreams are they anyway? What about those who have a dream to start a cartel or a money laundering scheme and enlist countless people to help them achieve it? And what about all the dreams that got started but never realized? But what if I said that the right Force behind you could make your hand succeed no matter what obstacles came your way? This is the relationship I urge you to have. It is only Christ Who understands the human heart and our behavior to perfection for He made you. It is only He Who can take your simple life and turn it into something extraordinary. A life that will be received with endless rejoicing when you depart from this earth.

So what is your exit strategy? We all have an appointed day and time with death, it is inescapable. This isn’t a question to put off until a later time. It’s a question to get right up front so the rest of your life can and will make sense. If we’re unable to take anything with us when we leave, will we be prepared to meet the One Who says we will come face to face with Him? Will we be left peddling every excuse under the sun as to how we lived “our best life”? Or how we did the best with what we had? Or how we followed our dreams with relentless pursuit at the expense of everyone around us? OR how we left on the table the one Offer that God made on our behalf so that we could be right with Him and live our life as it was meant to be lived? I pray that you will not leave God’s Gift in Jesus unopened, for you would be missing out on experiencing the glory of God not only while on earth but into eternity, a Promise and blessing that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.”  I can’t help but think of what Duck Dynasty’s founder, Phil Robertson, once said, “Your first birth gets you on this earth…and your second birth gets you off”. Just think about that for a second.

With all my heart and all my understanding, I implore you to know the God of the Bible and make Him known. You’ll discover that being a follower of Jesus Christ is a superior lifestyle to any manmade lifestyle, for good reason. We choose to either live with God or without Him, and He desires to be known. To live without Christ is to forsake the Source of Life itself. Believe me when I say that I realize how possible it is for a person to be considerably hardwired after decades of influence by countless things and people. Our identity is like a mosaic of various and unique upbringing and life experiences. But change is absolutely possible! RE-WIRING is possible. And it can’t be done CORRECTLY by human hands or advice. No amount of self-help books or meditation retreats or pagan therapy sessions can point you where you need to be. It starts with you, the man in the mirror.

Pause and put off all the things you think you are, step away from it, and reset. Point your attention toward the One Who made you, and made you in His image (with a spirit). Trust that He is holy and just and true and can be known by you personally. But the barrier between us and Him is the sin that lies within our hearts. We can’t enter into a relationship without acknowledging our sin and Who God Is. We can’t walk with God until we abandon all our idols, even the idol of a false god we may or may not have created in our minds. This false god is notorious for convincing us that he accepts us exactly as we are even when we live however we please and pay no mind to the Words of Jesus.  But Jesus came to heal the sick (the one deprived of His Spirit) and give LIFE to those who are unknown by Him. He has revealed Himself through creation (YOU are evidence of His authorship), through prophets, through His Law (showing His holiness), signs and wonders, and through Jesus (His exact Image in human form!!). And it is Jesus who tells us, “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

I used to think that I could run my life better than God could, but I’ve found that that was a figment of my imagination. Unless the Holy Spirit is leading you by faith, you’re frankly all dressed up with nowhere to go. Search your heart and see that your story fits inside of His. If God is powerful enough to speak the world into existence and send Jesus at the exact right time in history, then He certainly knows how to Shepherd you through this life and make you right in His own eyes. And He did that through the person of Jesus- “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” No matter how perfectly constructed your life may be in your own doing, the ways of the world will always leave you empty and unsatisfied; but you’ll have to leave them behind in order to gain a far greater Gift in return. Jesus did the same for each of those who would forsake their long-lost ways and return to Him. I leave you with His very own words-

Matthew 18:12-14

Parable of the Lost Sheep

¹² “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? ¹³ And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! ¹⁴ In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.

and Psalm 103-

Rod, I pray that God would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love. May He give you eyes to see and ears to hear this message, and for you to respond favorably toward Him and be born again.

To God be the Glory.